I came through here to raise a guilt, something I really ponder.
I am an extrovert. I like to laugh, I always think all stuff positively, Basically, i've learnt this from Abah.. Might be because people don't know who am I, and how do I think. So I will be silent upon whatever torture/complaint of me from them and stuffs.
But I don't really know how to defend. I don't know how to say no. I don't refuse stuff. I mean, I did, might be at a little amount. cuz reaaaaaaaally I hate to be hated. Maybe that's why I think people take control of me, take me for granted as if I don't have any choice.
I can't decide the good when I know I want it. Though, I am scared to decide wrongly.
I always need a supporter.
I am in my loop.
Even I've seen like someone petty for everything. I always thought that I have to see how is this end. What I will do. And what they will do about it, how they will react.... if I do this thing, and that thing. I kinda disappointed with myself when I myself don't know what to decide, but what I want is, we can end this as happy ending.
All these thought was literally a me and my problems. Right in my mind. Too scared to face it.
If somebody saw me as challenge, I rela give up. Like kau nak, ambik la sebakul. (With all the points she has, cause i dont do proof stuff).
For testing job stuff. I do like it. Like a lot, but, meeting this kind of people who object my idea, really disappointing me. And I don't like it.